Be A Light

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That is something that we were taught to be at my dear dear school ... the motto of St Paul's

That is something that I have tried to be. Though I don't know how successful I have been in that endeavor,   yet I have sincerely tried .

I have no way of knowing how the school's motto evolved ... The thought probably stems from the life of St Paul's ... the patron saint of my school.

St Paul was a gentile and a Roman citizen. He was born at Tarsus as Saul and was raised as a Pharisaical Jew. Initially, like any other pharisee he was against the converts ... but later he was struck blind and experienced a vision that led him to take Christianity to the gentile populace. He was a tireless missionary and an elegant writer, with quite an adventurous life.

Our school ... St Paul's ... has had quite a transformation with time within its walls too...

Around 1940, it was known as the St Paul's Orphanage .... Later it was known to be housing the St Vincent's Home, the St Paul's Nursery for Little Boys, St Catherine's Hospital and Convalescent Home and the Convent of the Daughter's of the Cross. (Even the last time I visited my school ... at the main gate there was a stone with the "school for little boys" engraved upon it !!! ) Now 68 Diamond Harbour Road is known as St Paul's Boarding and day School. The transformation is marked ... And it shows how it has been a light ... 

When as a little child I stepped into the huge campus, I was bewildered at the sight of so many similar looking children of varied sizes, running about in the front field . In the chaos in front of me there was a nervous joy ... nervousness about something invisible but omnipresent. When the assembly bell rang and all of us were grouped in to neat straight lines by our doting teachers, I could feel the nervousness grow ... as if something ominous was approaching .. As I write this I am suddenly hit by a very vivid recollection of my 1st assembly in St Paul's. After a couple of minutes ... standing uncomfortably in the growing heat I saw my first Principal ... Sister Rose Namathathil. 

On another such morning assembly in 1993 (if I am not mistaken ...) Sister Namathathil introduced us to someone who was to be our new Principal thenceforth ... Sister Rose Adele. In my senior school I had the privilege of knowing her as a person and I am extremely grateful to her in helping me get rid of the "fear" of the Principal's office.

I realize now that it was the fear of the unknown and the awe of the office that they held that had generated the nervousness in me as well as my school mates. We were all somehow scared of our principal. If our teachers indicated that we would be taken to the principal or we had been called to the principal's office for some reason ... we were petrified !! we would get cold feet !!! But nevertheless, I always tried to get rid of that terrible lump in my throat, try to overcome the apprehensions and emotions that my mind churned up in the short distance between the class and the office parlour (even when I was dead sure that I had done nothing wrong .. sometimes even being aware of why I had been called !!!) ... and hold my nerve and walk up to the door of the Principal's office and say "Sister, Please may I come in?" (as if I had to say something !!! At that moment I would have done anything to become invisible !!!)

After a very very long time ... I had this feeling again . I hit the panic button while talking to a friend just at the thought of going somewhere... A moment later I realized this and I laughed at myself just recalling the days at school. But this time 'round instead of wishing to become invisible ... I started looking forward to the trip. And my confidence and conviction in the motive helped my friends get rid of their apprehensions too.

I have wondered why I am so attached to my school ... I thought probably because it brings back a flood of memories that I associated with this place during my formative years ... well, there are other places too that are related to those times ... but those do not invoke such strong feelings / reactions ... they cannot push me enough to write so much in the wee hours of the morning .. when I am reasonably tired and would like nothing better than a good night's sleep !!!

But now I feel that there is more to it.... it is not just biased fondness.... it is more to do with what this place inspires in me ... what it has inculcated in the person I am today, rather than the hysteria of beloved times. 

It has taught me to be a light.

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